May ’02

The way, the truth, the life

First off, let me wish everyone out there a happy Beltane! Today is the first of May, and the Wiccan/Pagan holiday of Beltane. I had the lovely blessings of being able to spend the sabbat with my spiritual family from my previous coven that I worked with. It was lovely being able to connect with all of them, spiritually recharge and fill my heart up to overflowing, all in a few days. Indeed the beautiful energy of Spring is here at its fullest. Love is in the air, fruitful creativity springs forth, and fecundity burns in our loins (and if it ain’t fecundity, I’d recommend going to the doctor! hahahah!) One of the traditions of Beltane is to jump over the Beltane bonfire and either make a petition for something new in your life, or jump to purge yourself of something in the past. I did a whole lot of jumping! 🙂 Needless to say I jumped to purge myself of this past year’s emotional pain and difficulty.

One of the most interesting things of this entire process is feeling the love in my heart and the understanding that everything is working out perfectly, and that it always does! There is nothing that occurs outside of God’s plan. I am very happy to have that knowledge in my heart, mind and soul and I am grateful for having experienced it to appreciate it beyond a purely conceptual level of understanding. Thank you God for the way.

Last month, I took a huge risk with this online journal. Before acting I asked myself, “What do I want to be regarding this whole thing in my life?” and my answer was that I wanted to be love and honesty. So I spoke honestly, from the point of love for my religion, love for my family and friends, love for humanity and love for myself. I spoke out where so many have remained silent, and I knew that I would be pounded for doing so. Remember how they treated Galileo when he proposed his theories? He spoke honestly and from observations in his life, so too did I. I understand that many of you do not have the whole story beyond what I choose to write on these scant pages, and I am sure that many of you would change your opinions of my actions and words if you knew the whole story, but I still choose to be love and honesty regarding this situation, so I have no need to smear those in the religion who have wronged me terribly. What surprised me more than the criticism was the nature and tone of it. I received death threats, people questioning my ethics, upbringing, sexual practices, drug habits, hiv status, social patterns and psychological health. The traits I saw in the community were the VERY THINGS THAT I FOUND DISTASTEFUL TO START WITH!!!! I choose to leave a religion because I am abused, so I leave, and instead of compassion and understanding, I see more abuse. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t! How can a person claim to be spiritual when they lack simple traits like compassion, understanding, kindness, meekness and humility. Indeed, my decision to leave was guided. It was the true path for me to take and I thank God for having given me a strong enough will to snap out of my self-delusion that this was a healthy place for me to be. Now, I am not saying that this is a totally unhealthy thing for everyone, I am merely saying that each individual needs to look at his or her life and sincerely determine what is healthy both spiritually and mentally for them to participate in. It may be a healthy place for others, but it most definitely was not for me. This process is a wonderful thing to do regardless of the religion you participate in, and it can even extend to relationships and jobs too. Self-evaluation is a necessary and powerful thing. Apparently, a god brother and a god sister of mine also made the same decision that I did, so I know that my perceptions and feelings were not imagined. Thank you God for the truth.

I feel now that I have a daily and constantly occurring dialogue with God. I listen to the feelings he/she gives me and I follow them. They have led me to wonderful and beautiful events in just the past month since my decision to leave Ocha. I can make decisions clearly in my life because I have an inner gyroscope leading me – like a captain on a ship plotting a course, I merely need to ask myself, “What to I want to be?” regarding any and all situations. See, our thoughts and actions create who and what we are every moment of our lives. We truly are creators! Our realities are a reflection of what we are thinking at any given moment. If your life sucks, then look at your thought patterns…do the make you look like a victim, or that you are powerless in your life’s direction? Then start my changing your thoughts, change your mind. Think “I am a creator” or “I am powerful!” Own your lives and the circumstances both positive and negative in them. Then and only then can you truly control your destiny. You cannoy heal or remove the negative or unpleasant from your lives until you own them and realize that you have created them in your life for whatever reason. If you look at it honestly and forgive yourself for having created it, you can then decide to create a different life and reality for yourself. Choose to be happy, powerful, successful, wealthy, loving, honest, compassionate, or whatever YOU WANT TO BE! And truly live it. This is the divine life that God has planned into the workings of the universe. Harness that divine power by using your mind to make your world, your life, your existence, what you want it to be. Countless spiritual paths, teachers, prophets, gurus, poets and artists have tried to show us this, but we prefer to live like powerless children. This is one of the most powerful and basic principles of the way the universe works. Whatever you think you create. If you think that you need or want something, you will continue to need and want it because you have admitted to the world that you intrinsically don’t have it! No more “will do’s” or “going to be’s” – from now on claim it. Change your tune to say “I am” or “I have” or “I choose” – as if you already have it. Don’t think that you will be rich or that you want to be rich…simply BE RICH! Say it, do it and be it – and so it shall be yours. Your thought will become reality. Thank you God for life.

Next Chapter>>> Opportunities

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