Jun ’02

Predictability

OK, so I have been really lax in writing and those of you who really care have written concerned letters so I felt obliged to finally get off of my butt and put some postings up here.

Originally, I had written a very eloquent and completely, divinely-inspired entry for May, and then upon spell-checking the page, my computer crashed and I lost everything. I was so angry at first that I almost lost sight of what had happened. After a nice bowl of ice cream I came to realize that the entry was really just for me to get some deeper understanding about what was going on and people’s reactions to my website. I will attempt to capture the publicly intended parts of it and convey them in this entry, but I doubt that it will match the beautiful simplicity of its predecessor.

But before I do so, let me give you an update (as of June that is) of how my life is going. I have recovered completely from my flu – although it was one strong little bug. I managed to gather together some freelance work thanks to my friends David and Adam. I managed to get paid for the freelance work and make all of my bills, in fact, I was more prosperous for a while there too! I am looking like crazy for work, but I think I am favoring the pursuit of freelance work instead of a steady job for the time being. If you are interested in having some web design work done, please contact me via email and let’s discuss the possibility of arranging some work. I have also done web design for the following sites: http://www.planethotwheels.com, http://www.mcarecords.com, http://www.myonlycatalog.com, http://www.insidesessions.com, http://www.transactlaw.com, http://www.adistrategies.com and many more.

OK, enough of the personal plugs. My original posting was about how predictable people are and how much delight I gain from that fact. I don’t know if it is my Capricornian nature that loves predictability and how useful it is, or if it is my twisted sense of humor that almost delights in tossing a “truth hand-grenade” out into the public and in watching people’s panic as the are confronted with the relentless nature of truth, and you see, that is the key to this posting: the truth is relentless. You cannot escape it, and I savor this fact with zeal.

See, when I posted last months final entry, I knew right way, the moment that I hit “put” in my FTP program, thus placing it completely in public view, that the criticism was immediately going to begin. I knew, that it would take three primary forms, because people are incredibly predictable. The first form it took was that of compassion – true compassion – the hallmark of the genuine priesthood. These people, usually the ones that are my closest friends and who I keep in contact with, all responded with great concern for my well-being and all offered to help me if simply by spiritually supporting me with prayer, etc. These people saw a person in a difficult situation and offered anything from financial help to sympathy – all of these efforts originating from a core of love, and thus carrying the hallmark of God’s work. People like Calvin, Derreck, Bev, you all carry the light of God in your hearts. Thank you for your support.

The second form that the feedback took was that of criticism couched in faux-compassion. These people sent letters of “concern” for my circumstances and tried to diagnose what had happened in my life as a consequence of my decision to leave La Regla de Ocha, and then promptly offered their services to “correct” what had happened to me. Interestingly enough, all of these offers were for services that would have attached “derechos” (payments or fees) to perform them. This is akin to a credit card company that offers more credit to a person who is already in deep debt, or a person who puffs smoke in a person’s face when they are trying to quit. The only thing is that these offers for service are asterisked with the phrase “let me help you, since you are a real fuck-up.” There are two things I don’t like about them, their faces.

The third set of feedback was more tolerable than the aforementioned, yet more repugnant. These were people who blatantly emailed me and spewed all kinds of criticism, hate and finger-pointing. Their very emails smelled of the fire and brimstone they were preaching. The embodied the entire corpus of negative traits that I had a problem with in the Ocha community. These “senators of the Ocha curse-ocracy” will have you believe that you are required to propitiate gods that are petty and need your complete and total subjugation lest they enact their fury on your life. Thus any negative thing that happens in your life is solely due to the deities who are totally disgusted at your actions (this is the typical explanation of other people’s misfortunes) or they are because someone flung negative magic at them (which is the usual explanation that a person gives for their OWN misfortunes, for they would never be so imperfect as to do something the deities deem as improper.) What is like is that the very traits that these people impart on the orishas are actually the very human failings that THEY THEMSELVES exhibit in their lives. “If you don’t do exactly what I want the way I deem is correct, I will enact my fury upon you – via emails, or what have you.” Interesting comparison, no? At least I have to give them credit for being honest asses. They have a one-up on the aforementioned group who are asses with silk ribbons on their heads. You can decorate crap as much as you want, but in the end it is still going to stink, right?

So, to those individuals who felt that it was completely justifiable and right to send letters of damnation and criticism to a brother who was on the down and out, I ask you the following question: What do your actions say about YOUR relationship with the divine? Criticism, damnation, intolerance, superiority and judgment do not come from a core of love. They come from a core of fear. Criticism comes from the fear of your beliefs possibly being wrong, as does judgment. Damnation comes from fear of any possibility that you could be separate from God’s love. Intolerance comes from superiority, which in turn comes from the fear that your ideas might be wrong and that there might be more than one possibility in the world (read spiritual world) – all of these reactions from from a place that is not godly! Perhaps these individuals should look deep within that cold, black, shriveled stone they call a heart and see that it is crying to be heard, “That you and God are one and you should fear nothing, for God is love and your true nature is to be loving as well.” See, when you feel and act out of love, you are connected to God’s energy, and when you are anything but love, you have chosen to step away from God and then, you have created God in your image and not vice versa. May you be blessed.

Next Chapter >>> Unconditional Love

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