Finale

Finale

Here we are, at the much anticipated finale of the Year in White. I took a moment this week and went back and read every entry I ever made on this site and the growth I have gone through is amazing. From the joyous anticipation reflected in my words as I approached my initiation, to the depths of depression and agony which poured out of my soul when I had to make the decision to leave the religion, to the explosive uplifting magnificence of rediscovering myself and experiencing a totally different connection to God. And here I am at the end of this phase of the journey, blessed with such beauty that my soul can barely contain it. This has indeed been the greatest work I have done in my life as a spiritual worker.

On the day of my ocha birthday (my anniversary,) I decided to take a trip up to the mountains, reconnect with nature and spend the entire day, out of town, side by side with my boyfriend. It was a beautiful trip, truly touching and it was wonderful to just bask in the light of love and God’s presence. Normally, an iyawó, coming out of his year in white, would build an altar out of ornate cloth (reminiscent of a throne) and place all of his orishas in their containers on this throne, and decorate them with their mazos (beaded decorative necklaces) and place before them offerings of fruit and sweets. This throne represents the place where that iyawó lived for an entire week, during his initiation, and like his initiation throne, it stays up for a week with his orishas on display for all to visit and pay their respects. I, unfortunately, cannot do this, because my godfather never performed my three month ebbó (the ceremony of three months) which allows an initiate to work his orishas and do things like the traditional display at the ocha birthday. So instead, I silently donned my beadwork and necklaces for a moment, reflected on what had happened this year and then removed them and put them away. As I put them away, I knew that this phase in my life had drawn to an end, and while I am no longer an iyawó, I am not fully licensed to act as am active priest in the religion either.

But now that I understand why I needed to go through this ceremony, I really do not mind that I cannot participate actively in the religion. If the orishas want me to do that in the future, they will let me know. My dreams and my feelings for the last month have all been about Shangó telling me that I am fine, that I really do not need to work the religion and that my life is perfectly as it should be. So I am not concerned. I know that this ceremony was something my soul was telling me to do, so that I could experience the exact opposite of what I was. Once I had fallen deeply into what I was not, my soul cried out to remember who I was and then once again, it returned to the beauty of who I am. And my life was once again filled with beauty. If the purpose of this initiation is to bring enlightenment, then indeed, I have been enlightened – the light has been shined on my life and I see clearly who I am and what I am here to do. I am so grateful for this experience and I realize that sadly, many people will never experience the glory of re-finding themselves.

When I started this journey, I was being ingrained with the belief that God needed something, and that in order for me to be ok, I was required to behave accordingly, or to provide that required thing, lest I be punished, damned or killed by a retributive God. I was being trained in the practice of fearing God. Yet my soul knew that this was not the truth of the world and of life. It screamed out that God was perfect, and was everything, therefore it required nothing. There was nothing I had to do to appease God, because God could never be disturbed, made unhappy or discontent, or anything other than pure, unconditional love for that matter. My soul showed me, vividly, that We Are all part of God, since God is all, and consequently, I am pure love, unconditionally given and that I can never be anything other than that. I learned very unconventional spiritual truths, and they worked beautifully in my life. Look at the spiritual beliefs we have now running around this world, and then look at the condition of our world, and you tell me if we have been doing it right. My experience is that the very thing we need is unconventionality, to break free of the beliefs that we have created about God and about life.

I learned that:

  • God and I are one (and that applies to everyone)
  • God is pure, unconditional, absolute love and the totality of everything
  • God requires nothing from us
  • We are here to experience our own Godliness, and as such, we cannot be limited or restrained – to do so would prevent us from experiencing the magnificence of our Godliness
  • There is enough in the world
  • We Are All One, and as such, we constitute the body of God – we are not separate
  • Mine is merely another way, there is no superiority
  • The physical world – the illusion – is a reflection of our thoughts and it is here to allow us to experience what we already know in an abstract sense
  • There is no learning in life, only remembering – remembering the supreme being that we are
  • There is nothing to do in this life, there are only things to be – you cannot do peaceful, you can only BE peaceful, etc.
  • A mere realization of these truths unlocks the vast power of your Godliness in your life

And regardless of the beauty and purity of the journey that I went through this year, people out on the Internet are still talking negatively about me. They judge without knowing all of what happened to me. They do not recognize my initiation, they still randomly send messages of prophetic doom and damnation and all for what? To prove themselves right? To protect the fragile wall of belief that they have built between themselves and the glory of everything else? Perhaps one day, with God’s blessing, they will awaken and realize that they are perfect, wonderful embodiments of pure, unconditional love as well, and they will see that there is no such thing as shame, hurt, pain, damnation, failure or being wrong. All of life is a journey. I am on mine, and they too are on theirs. I know that all things are perfectly as they are supposed to be, and every individual has a reason for being – even the ones who thing wrongly of me out of incomplete information. I bless them and thank them for being in my life and teaching me volumes about myself.

And now, for the rest of you who have embraced me, supported me, loved me, sent me kind messages of light and hope and who have offered to help me, extended a hand and assisted me throughout my life, I send you gratitude of such magnitude that cannot even begin to be conceived. I know that you are all blessed individuals, for you bless yourself through your actions. In fact that is the only manner in which we are blessed – by knowing that We Are God, and acting in such a manner that is a declaration of that fact. To all of you I send you my endless love and thanks.

Now that my year is done, I have the feeling deep in my stomach of youthful glee and exuberance, and I know that is God’s way of telling me that some amazing miracle is about to happen. I know that this miracle will be all of the amazing, beautiful things that will happen in my life. I also know that this wisdom that has come to me, which I share with all of you will not end. I have been inspired to continue this conversation with God in a new section on my website that will be called “Spiritual Work” and in it I will share with all of you the insights I gain through my life. I hope it will be a great inspiration and source of joy in your life and I know it will be in mine.

So to close this section, I leave you with the same honesty with which I have always written. This is truly the greatest creation I have ever made in my life, this spiritual journey. I have re-created my self and I have shared that journey with all of you truthfully, against all odds and criticism, and I know it has touched all of you at some level. I am so humbled by that fact that I ask all of you to thank yourselves and God for being open to that experience. I leave you with one thing, my photo on my birthday of me dressed in white for one last time, with all of my beadwork on (yes I made them all myself) just to remind you of my journey, where I started (in white) and where I ended up – a content, fulfilled, self-actualized soul, portraying myself as I choose to.

mypic1

I send you all many blessings and thank you so much for accompanying me on this journey. Thanks to my journey, I now know who I truly am and why I am here. May my journey inspire you to find out the same for yourselves.

Many Blessings,
Ikú Dayo

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Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. I know we forget how blessed we are when we find good godparents. My padrino and members of my ile told me their stories of godparents and traditions that were a bit cruel. I see that you are stronger but it doesn’t take away what you went through. May Oludumare, the Orisha, and eggun continue to watch over you. Bendicion!

  2. 15 year Ocha to Ellegba. Talk to Him. You are a Sango tell him how your Godfather throws insults, throws demands at you. Talk to Ochosi and ask him to find you a new path.

    Finally, leave your godfather – you can do that – and find an authentic, honest and good practitioner to help you finish what was started (trust me they are out there 0- and being gay has no bearing on anything because I am gay and no one doubts Esu owns my head!). Nothing is written that can’t be fixed.


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